Sometimes we all need a refresher course in love, especially with online dating, because it can be incredibly frustrating. The essay in the New York Times offered a clearer way of looking at love: it is not just something that happens to us, but something we actively participate in. Love is a verb, and it begins with intention. It asks us to be present instead of passive. That shift alone changes the whole experience.

The writer followed a psychologist’s method for helping people fall in love: 36 questions and four minutes of eye contact. The result was surprising, because she fell in love with her subject and he fell in love with her. Maybe they already had chemistry, but the bigger point was that love can be approached deliberately, not left entirely to chance. It does not have to be a mystery with no beginning. Sometimes it is simply a process we choose to enter.

Love requires vulnerability, attention, and the willingness to reveal yourself to someone else. It means dropping the facade and letting another person see your faults, your fears, and your human side. That kind of openness creates intimacy, and it gives the other person room to do the same. It is risky, but it is also what makes a real connection possible. We cannot build anything lasting while keeping every door locked. Real closeness asks for a little exposure.

In any loving relationship, both people have to make space for honesty, softness, and imperfection. That can be a relief, because it feels better to be fully yourself with someone who accepts you. So try the experiment on your next date, and bring a little courage with you. The things worth having usually ask something brave of us. And love is no exception. If you want it to grow, you have to let it breathe.